A teaching of Reverend Father Jean-Dominique, O.P., on the Role of the Father of the Family

The second role of a father is to participate in the work of the Providence of God by his work and his authority, says Father Jean-Dominique. How does this take place?

Work

Work is willed by God as a privileged instrument of the father’s paternity. In today’s world, work has unfortunately become too often an irresistible force expelling the man out of his household.

The goals of work

What is the first goal of work? It is obviously the concrete work to be fulfilled. The worker is a minister of Divine Providence to complete nature and serve the good of man. This is why the father must work with zeal and attention. He must give his children the example of honesty, perseverance and discipline. There should therefore be no botched work, disorder or half-done work. “Everything that deserves to be done, deserves to be well-done.”

The second goal of work is the legitimate salary that the father receives. Let the father remember that this salary is well deserved by his work. But let him not become the slave of Mammon and talk about money all the time, especially in front of his children. They have to see in their father the minister of Divine Providence and the server of his brothers. As Saint Joseph, a father should instill in his children his own love of poverty. This is especially true in our days, where so few people are able to protect themselves from the dangers of materialism.

Work for your family

The first beneficiary of the father’s work is the family, and not only its material subsistance, but also the soul of the family, its virtues and the education of children. It is a duty for the father to do everything he can to have a work that provides for the family.

How important it is that man do not have two separate lives that are gathered together only by his wallet! While at work, a man should think that he is there for the family. He should be able to speak about what is going on at work with his wife and also get the children interested in what he is doing.

Isn’t the prayer of St. Pius X to St. Joseph a good way to close this chapter?

“Glorious St. Joseph, model of all who are devoted to labour, obtain for me the grace to work in the spirit of penance in expiation of my many sins; to work conscientiously by placing love of duty above my inclinations; to gratefully and joyously deem it an honour to employ and to develop by labour the gifts I have received from God, to work methodically, peacefully, and in moderation and patience, without ever shrinking from it through weariness or difficulty to work; above all, with purity of intention and unselfishness, having unceasingly before my eyes death and the account I have to render of time lost, talents unused, good not done, and vain complacency in success, so baneful to the work of God. All for Jesus, all for Mary, all to imitate thee, O Patriarch St. Joseph! This shall be my motto for life and eternity.”

Authority

But God does not only provides to each creature whatever it needs, He also governs, He has authority. “Authority is the power to bind the will of one’s subordinates, to make them serve, with stability, the common good, and, by doing so, to make them reach their full blossoming “, says Father Jean-Dominique.

God wants to establish man the head of the family. But this authority will not be the same over his wife and his children.

Authority over the children

A plant needs a stick. A child needs a firm direction, and, sometimes, an energetic correction. This will give him stability in being good and will settle order in his passions. Let the father remember that he is not the owner of the souls entrusted to him, but only the manager. Let him fulfill his duty in a way that is pleasing his Divine Master.

Authority over the wife

“Let women be subject to their husbands, as to the Lord : because the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ is the head of the Church.” (Ephesians, 5, 22-23) Pius XII gives beautiful advices to husbands : “Husbands, you have been invested with authority. In your household, each one of you is the head with all of your obligations, with all the responsibility that this title entails. Do not hesitate, therefore, to exercise this authority. Do not withdraw yourselves from this duty, do not flee this duty, this responsibility. Never let laziness, negligence, selfishness or hobbies abandon the rudder of the family ship entrusted to your care.” And indeed, the lack of authority of men in our days is even a greater disaster than the disobedience of women.

A good wife understands very well how much she needs her husband to exercise his authority over the family. We all have the defects of our qualities. God has given the woman particular virtues that render her apt to the great work of motherhood. “These are gentleness, perseverance, endurance in pain, the gift of self, the particular intuition to guess the suffering of the weaker one and an ardent compassion to relieve the suffering. But this very fine sensibility might very well become a short-coming. And then will appear instability, anxiety, discouragement, precipitation in judgment, and troubles of nervousness. How to prevent oneself against these very natural defects if not, just as man himself, by a firm conduct and thus, by the authority of her husband?” (Fr J.-D.) The wife must love the authority of her husband as the Blessed Virgin Mary loved the authority of St. Joseph. She should put all her skill, all her psychological finesse to make the authority of her husband grow in the eyes of her children.

The authority of the husband over his wife is an authority of love. “But towards the wife you have chosen as your life’s companion, what delicacy, what respect, what affection you must display in every exercise of your authority, be it happy or sad! Let your command, adds the great Bishop of Hippo mentioned a moment ago, be as gentle as good advice : and, from this advice, obedience will draw encouragement and strength. In a Christian home where one lives through Faith and is still a pilgrim from the heavenly city, even those who command serve those whom they appear to command, for they do not command through any desire to rule, but to advise, not through pride of authority but through thoughtful foresight.” (Pope Pius XII)

Let the father have gratitude for everything his wife does on a daily basis for him. In the work of education, she is often alone as Daniel in the midst of lions; on a daily basis, she accomplishes a lot of ungrateful tasks, and she finds the words, after her busy day, to sustain him by her love. Let the father get interested in what his wife does. Let him try his best to lighten her burden. Let him find time for her, as she is here on earth his most precious help.